Bear Down!!

I haven't written to much about the Bears play-off run so far. Mainly this is because I am far to emotionally involved to write well about it. I'm to excited; can't think straight.

I'm also a Chicago sports fan.

I only have a limited knowledge of other cities relationship with their teams, but in Chicago, the negativity and expectation of failure is distracting, if not hurtful to the enjoyment of sports. We are always waiting to have our hopes to be crushed. I'm alittle sick of it.

I can be as guilty of this as anyone. When the Cubs were making their run in 2003, I was living in L.A. My attention, and the Cubs success, became contagious amongst my friends there that had no team. My normal reaction to their excitement was, "I'll believe it when I see it." When they had their collapse, I felt like the guy who never enjoyed life for of fear of life. I never really enjoyed the ride, and that's no way to watch sports. Not for me.

Last Sunday, I watched the Bears win a close game, drunk on Bloody Mary's, with many a friend. They won. We were happy. NFC Championship game was coming to Chicago. The last time the Bears hosted an NFC championship game Ronald Reagan was still in office, for fucks sake. The Bears were pounded back in '89 by a superior 49er's team, and never recovered.

So, I'm gonna go back to that bar this Sunday, get drunks with my friends again, and enjoy the game. I might be fifty the next time they make it.

Feelings...Nothing more than Feelings

Great. So the Patriots are back in the AFC Championship. Again. How exciting. My hopes rest on Peyton Manning to boot these guys for once and for all. I hate the Patriots now. Like any team that wins too much. Sure, if you're from the New England area, this is bliss. For me, it's just like the Cowboys,Lakers, Spurs, Red Wings and Yankees. I'm sure everyone started to get really sick of the Bulls six rings. Except for me and my Chicago brothers and sisters. I am so bored of the Patriots that it makes me ill. If the Pats get in, and the Bears don't, I will not be watching the bowl this year. I work behind a bar on Sundays anyway, so I will be forced to watch the score. I now wish for a Colts/Bears Superbowl. Help make my new year guys.

Coach Marty should be back with the Chargers. Give him an extension. Give him some wide receivers for crying out loud! I needed four hands to count all the dropped passes out there. Personal foul penalties. The players lost that game for Marty.

The Saints march into Chicago this week, in what proves to be a tough one for the Bears. The Bears need to play better than they did on Sunday to beat these guys. Robbie Gould is money for the Bears and should get a lot of credit this year. He is a gamer, and I see him winning one more for us this week. The Bears running game was very solid. Thomas Jones just wills himself to be the best, and Cedric is coming into his own. So.....Can Rex Grossman read a blitz? Is he too proud to go down? Man, was I furious at him for that fumble. I'm sure grateful that Rashied Davis was one of the MVP's of that game. If he doesn't catch two big time passes, the Bears lose, and sports talk radio is even more of a drag. Thank-you Rashied!

Not much to say on that Eagles/Saints game. The Saints worked hard for that one. The Eagles should feel bad they lost of course, but they're run was full of heart and team spirit. I can't imagine how far they would have gone with McNabb. No knock on Garcia, who did an unworldly job. Maybe they don't even get in if McNabb was there. Who knows? I look forward to seeing Donovan back there next year. His healthy years may be behind him.

I split my picks this week, going two for two, and I think I was 1-3 versus the spread. I'm glad I'm poor and do not have an impulse to gamble. The spread is tough to beat in the playoffs. Look for my picks this week, along with my over/under calls!

NFL In London.

I'm alittle surprised I haven't read more about this. The NFL is going to play another regular season game outside the U.S. This time it will be in London, most likely at Wembley Stadium.

Doesn't this suck?

Aren't stadiums built with taxpayer dollars? Was the game played in Mexico City that big a success? Isn't this a big, fuck-you, to the fans of these teams?

The report says that every team will be required to play a date outside the U.S. over the next 16 seasons.

Why? I mean, aside from the extra money that the NFL can earn, probing every orifice the world has to offer.

It won't be the best product. Both the Giants and Dolphins have a very good chance of sucking next season. Are they really planning on selling the game on the skill of Cleo Lemon's arm, or Tom Coughlin's coaching? I suppose it might be fun seeing which player can get arrested in London? Any early guesses? Gun possession? Drug possession? Drunk driving, on the wrong side of the street, while nude?

But why a regular season game? The fans only get eight a year.

Why not, oh, I don't know, the Pro Bowl? Fan's never attend the game. It doesn't matter in the standings. It's a paid vacation for the players anyway, plus you would have many an NFL star available for pimping. Every year it can be in a different international city abroad. It might even spark more interest here for a game largely irrelevant.

NeoSuperFan

Thanks to With Leather and This Suit Is Not Black, for the heads up on this. Being Bears fans here, mostly, we couldn't pass this up. According to his website, he just got Bear's legend, Vestee Jackson's autograph inked this past Friday. Number forty-five and counting. I'm glad he's on our side.

When the aliens come, and they ask to see what a Bears fan looks like, I vote we send this guy.

Championship Fantasy Football Via Text Messages.

Sunday was our fantasy football league championship game and I had made it into the game. It was a long season. We drafted in August. It's a twelve person league, the winner gets $150. Small money, but the honor is great. I wasn't favored and I had to work. This may not be the best play-by-play, but it's better than Gumbel

3:20 p.m. Murray St. Clair: you 81. me 46. you're lookin good. (Sweet.)

3:21 p.m. Murray St. Clair: 43 f larry johnson. (My first pick, and the first pick in our draft. I actually tried to trade him for Alexander after a computer error gave my Johnson. The other owner turned down the trade. Sometimes it's the moves you don't make.)

3:59 p.m. Murray St. Clair: 90-50. (Nice. Good lead. But since I'm at work, I have no idea how good.)

4:44 p.m. Murray St. Clair: halftimes. you 96. me 62. (Getting excited. Hadn't expected to win. Murray had won ten straight coming into this championship.)

4:46 p.m. Murray St. Clair: When these games are over. that's it. (So I will know very soon, before the Bears game that I should be at.)

5:03 p.m. Dave: Want an update on your game? Looks good for you. (Sure. So what if it's New Years Eve. Those tables can wait, it is the championship game.)

5:05 p.m. Dave: 95-60 you. (Excellent. Now I know Murray isn't fucking with me.)

5:18 p.m. Dave: 96-66 phil. Murray St. Clair has four players in 3rd left playing. Phil has 4 players still active in the 3rd. (This must be pretty exciting to watch. You know what's not exciting to watch? Two men eating two twelve ounce NY strips with a side of BBQ ribs.)

5:34 p.m. Murray St. Clair: congrats. this game is over. (A concession speech. Hmmmmm... Can I celebrate yet? "Hey, Aaron, I think it's shot-o'clock. I won the game!" All right, who's ready for the happiest waiter working on new years?)

6:36 p.m. Dave: If Gore scores, you lose. If Gore doesn't score, you win. (What the hell are you texting about? I did a victory shot an hour ago. I could still lose?)

6:42 p.m. Murray St. Clair: you're up 6 pts. everything hinges on this overtime. CRAZY!!! (Overtime! What overtime?!? What are you talking about? What the fuck is going on? I have no time to check the t.v. and no chance of adding the points up in my head. I'm running around delivering champagne splits and shit. This is the last NYE I work.)

7:10 p.m. Dave: Gore ran enough in OT to tie you and Murray. (Tie? We tied? So... What happens now? Well, at least the Bears game is starting...)

7:30 p.m. Murray St. Clair: it ended in a tie. with the tiebreaker i beat you 3.5 to 3.3 good game. maybe the greatest game ever. (That's the lamest fucking shit I've ever heard. How about we duel to see who wins? "No! I have no room for a four top without a reservation! One minute please.")

7:47 p.m. Murray St. Clair: miscalculation. espn not only didn't give you the 6 for the sd d td, they didn't give you blocked punt. no tie. you win outright. GOOD GAME CHAMP! (Fuck you. I'm not getting on this ride again. I'll wait till tomorrow. "Yes, we do have dry blue cheese, I'll be right back." I should be at the Bears game. Hey. What's going on in that game...)

The next day ESPN scoring would verify that I won my fantasy football league. I kinda feel like I just got a graduate degree in Football. To the rest of my league, all football disputes can be settled by a simple phone call to me. My knowledge being superior. My acumen greater. Oh and, suck it.

(The Bears game never happened.)

On the cusp of a new year, I am sad. The Bears are playing the Packers tonight in Soldier Field in what might be Brett Favre's last game. I should be there, but I won't. My folks got me tickets for the game, which I received on Christmas morning, along with a new firetruck and tickle-me-Elmo doll. Unfortunately, I work in a restaurant. Not knowing I would have the opportunity to go to the game, I was scheduled to work, all day, all night. After calling some of my coworkers, I quickly realized getting out of the shift wasn't in the cards. Seeing Brett Favre throw a record setting interception, while being eliminated from the playoffs, would not be my fate. Both tickets passed to my brother, Timmy. I wished him Godspeed to tailgating and kickoff at noon.

But wait, much like the evil Sauron himself, NBC, capitalizing on the "Brett Favre might retire frenzy," (now in it's third year and running) invoked their powers to claim the game as the Sunday evening game. Here it changes from a sad day for Phil, to a screw job of my brother and the entire city.

Timmy is a New Years baby. He and his girlfriend have twenty-five people coming over for his birthday, as well as, a New Years celebration. The guests are set to arrive around eight p.m. Scratch Timmy from the list of fans passing through the turnstiles tonight.

This is a common enough story throughout the city and suburbs of Chicago. Parties are in conflict. Parking in the city is fucked. Restaurants are scrambling to provide t.v.'s in dining rooms to hold reservations. Mayor Daley, I'm sure, is already planning his revenge. Make NBC pay, make them pay.

Happy New Year's everyone. Go Bears!

If You Have No Plans For New Years Eve, Chris and Tank are throwing a bash.

The Fox Robot: The Definitive Discussion

Do you know what I love about today's NFL coverage? Robots.

I read blogs, and seen on television, people complain about the Fox Football Robot, I just can't understand it...

I fucking love that Fox Robot, not so much the one that actually plays futuristic robot football (as seen in his 25-second demo reel here). I'm talking about the everyday Sunday robot, the one that fades you in/out of commercial breaks... he warms you up, starts up with doing a little calisthenics, but then, he takes a break and starts waving his finger, and talkin' shit.

I imagine he is talkin' shit to other robots he will be playing later on that day. Robots who told him "you will never make it to professional robot league football"...
Maybe he is talking shit to me, because god knows I deserve it. Or maybe he is just psyching himself up in the mirror pre-game.

It's nice how Fox keeps the robots current. Like on halloween, we saw halloween-pumpkinhead robot, and likewise, robotic trash-talkin' turkey for thanksgiving.
Even before the game on Sunday, I was thinking "God help me, lets see a santa robot", behold, a fucking santa robot. I was at my girlfriends parents house in Detroit (yikes), I pumped my fist on the table, and I was like "Yeah! Santa Robot! Lets Go!", her various uncles just stared at me.

So I don't see why you can't have that robot dressed in a diaper, with a "2007" sash and top hat. A New years shit-talkin' baby robot. Its the only thing that could top that robotic turkey waving its finger at me.

I have also noticed that the Fox Robot wears number 34. I was excited that Walter Payton's corpse had been re-constructed RoboCop-style as the Fox Football Robot. Unfortunately, I think I might have seen a Cowboys Star on his "helmet". And that confused me, because really, a Herschel Walker Robot is a waste of our time. Or maybe, that robot is just how Herschel Walker pays his bills.

Seriously, I need a picture of that robot, for next years Christmas card. I wonder if there is an graphics department guy at fox I could contact...

NFL Week 16, or the Bears second Preseason

The Bears beat the Lions. The D looked beatable. Mark Anderson keeps making plays. Greise came in with the Bears down. Surprisingly, he did not throw five touchdown passes. He did lead a game winning f.g. drive. Whatever. I could dwell on the negative, but I'll just chalk it up as a meaningless game, that they won, with little to play for. (crossing-fingers)

Everyone off the Romo/Cowboys bandwagon now? Way to get a trip to Hawaii out of it, Tony. Way to prove you don't deserve the trip, T.O.

I gotta think it sucks playing QB for Nick Saban. Cleo Lemon gives you the best chance to win, plus he quenches any thirst.

The ESPN Sportscenter: Monday Night crew, Wingo, Salisbury and Hodge. Are there three guy on sports t.v. clinging more pathetically to their receding hairline than these three? I keep waiting for Merrill Hodge's toupee to hold out for more money, (truthfully) claiming responsibility for Merrill's success.

I hate the stat, QB rating. This might need it's own post. It's useless, telling me nothing about the game I couldn't learn from a box score. I can't calculate it without assistance while reading the box score, so I don't really know what it means. The Titans have won six straight despite their QB, Vince Young, having a rating of 69.7. Sean Salisbury's career rating? 72.9. Who you taking?

The Gatorade Bath

A customer of mine wondered aloud last night, "Who invented the Gatorade bath?" I ventured to guess that the Giants had back in '86, (actually '87 was the year of their Superbowl, after the '86 season) that's the first time I remember seeing it.

After some quick googling, it turns out I was right. There is some dispute as to which player gave Parcels his first bath. The American Management Association website states that Jim Burt was first to splash the syrupy liquid on his coach. Most others claim it was Harry Carson. Without the video, I'm alittle sceptical about Carson given his grumpiness in interviews. But it takes two, so let's say they both had a hand in it.

I was surprised to see the amount of writing dedicated to this ritual. Some loving and exhaustive, most of it negative. Seems people are sick of it. They think it's cliche and juvenile. Bryant Gumbel, jerk-off circa '05, had this to say.

"I'm officially asking them to please...order your directors to stop shooting the old and tired, regularly executed, totally predictable, absolutely unfunny, Gatorade bath of the winning coach at game's end. When linebacker Harry Carson of the Giants started dousing Coach Bill Parcells it was cute and different. Now, 20 years later, it's a thrill only for those still into the macarena. It's simple really. You've already ordered your directors to ignore the jerks who leap from the stands onto the field. And you've clearly told them to avoid the cell phone nerds who wave at the cameras. So will you please now suggest they ignore the neanderthals who still think the Gatorade bit is clever. We all know that if you stop showing it, they'll stop doing it. You guys can phase a dated and tired gag out of existence. You have the power. Make this football season and those to come a lot more enjoyable, so please, at least think about it. In advance, gentleman, thank you for considering this one simple request. We'll talk about the stupid crowd shots another time."

Wow, Bryant, you compare the harmless fun of minor tradition, the coaches, fans and players to criminal trespassers, while also calling them "neanderthals" and "stupid." You'll never get a job calling games for the NFLNETWORK.

I started with a simple question. What I discovered was the integrity of my football championships were being threatened by this simple ritual. One the "neanderthal" players may have been dreaming about doing since they were children. Come to think of it, let's lose the roses at the Rose Bowl. I mean, how old is that anyway? And that tired bit when each player and coach on the NCAA Championship team climbs that ladder to cut off their piece of the net. How long does that take, really? Forever, I think. It's obviously disrespectful to the net, plus a waste of money. I would gladly go without seeing the joy on their faces as they do it. That's not what sports is all about.

T.V., you control so much of my life, please start exercising more control over these problems, as well as our sports viewing experience.

Brett Favre can't hurt you anymore.

It's all over. Nothing more to fear. The worst nemesis in Chicago Sports history is done. Brett Favre shouldn't be feared any longer.

All sports teams need rivals. It happens naturally. One team plays another. You cheer for your team, boo their opponents. Loyalties are based, mainly, on location. If you are from Chicago, or the area, the Bears become your team. If you play a team every year, competing for a Divisional Championship, the rivalry grows.

Sports have been in Chicago a long time. We have two baseball teams, a hockey team, basketball and football. In all that time, none of those teams has had an enemy like Brett Favre.

Isiah and the Pistons were tough, but the Bulls broke them over their legs and went on to much greater heights. We even adopted Dennis Rodman as our own for awhile. Reggis Miller? Maybe, but only for one year, in one series. The Knicks? Please.

The Cubs have the Cards, and previously the Mets, but the Cubs have never been serious contenders for anything. No single team, or man, has ever stood between them and glory. Usually, it's just themselves.

The Sox biggest rival is the Cubs, a team that's not even in their league. Also, divisional realignment has changed their yearly rivalries. The winning of The World Series last year washed away so many bad memories. On their way to the top they didn't have to face anyone or any team that had historically bested them. There is no Yankees to their Red Sox. Go White Sox!

Hockey, well, no one really pays attention to the Blackhawks. If they do, then I assume their public enemy #1 is the owner himself.

The Bears greatest rival is the Packers. We play them twice a year and have been for nearly a hundred years. And, we are a Bears town. Even when the Bulls were collecting championships they had to fight for headlines with Dave Wanndstedt. Kevin Butler of the '85 Superbowl Championship team still does commercials here. You ever hear a Judd Buchler commercial? Nope, it's all about the Bears here.

And the Bears hate the Packers.

Brett Favre is Green Bays quarterback. He has been for 211 straight games.

We hate Brett Favre. Here's some number to illustrate why.

Brett Favre first start was on Sept. 20, 1992. He hasn't missed one since.

Games versus Bears, by season.
'92 1-1 CH W in GB.
'93 0-2
'94 0-2 CH beaten in season series by a total score of, 73-9.
'95 0-2
'96 0-2
'97 0-2
'98 0-2
'99 1-1 CH W in GB by blocked FG. Nov. 1, Payton passes
'00 1-1 CH W in GB.
'01 0-2 CH swept by GB despite going 13-3 and winning division.
'02 0-2
'03 0-2
'04 1-1 CH W in GB.
'05 2-0 CH first season sweep of Packer since '91, the freakin' year I graduated high school.
'06 1-0

Total 32 games played, 9 Bears wins, 22 Bears losses.

We didn't win in Green bay from 10/25/92 till 11/7/99. That streak was broken just days after Walter Payton had passed away. Emotionally, the greatest game I've ever watched.

Brett Favre had a 13 game winning streak in Soldier Field. I went through my twenties never seeing the Bears beat the Packers in Chicago. This guy made it a yearly ritual to come to Chicago and beat our butts in. Virtually every Packers game during my six years in college was misery. Highlighted by a Halloween smack down in '94 that still haunts me.

This past Sunday, the Chicago Bears beat the Green Bay Packers, in Green Bay, 26-0. That's right!! 26 to Nothing!

It is the first time Brett Favre has ever been shutout in his NFl career. It is the ONLY time Brett Favre has been shutout in his life. Brett Favre has played in more straight games at the quarterback position then anyone else in the history of the NFL. He had our number like no one ever has. But we beat him in his last home opener, cause this year is it for him.

Yeah, he was a great QB. First ballot Hall-of-Famer. I always thought he was a bit of a frontrunner. Sure, he won a Superbowl, but when he ran into a team that punched back the next year, he blew it. He should have retired two years ago when everyone loved him. Now, everyone is just sick of him. He's proving to be a bad teammate, selfish and unwilling to change. Unwilling to help a bad team move on without him.

Enjoy the next 16 weeks, Brett.