Championship Fantasy Football Via Text Messages.

Sunday was our fantasy football league championship game and I had made it into the game. It was a long season. We drafted in August. It's a twelve person league, the winner gets $150. Small money, but the honor is great. I wasn't favored and I had to work. This may not be the best play-by-play, but it's better than Gumbel

3:20 p.m. Murray St. Clair: you 81. me 46. you're lookin good. (Sweet.)

3:21 p.m. Murray St. Clair: 43 f larry johnson. (My first pick, and the first pick in our draft. I actually tried to trade him for Alexander after a computer error gave my Johnson. The other owner turned down the trade. Sometimes it's the moves you don't make.)

3:59 p.m. Murray St. Clair: 90-50. (Nice. Good lead. But since I'm at work, I have no idea how good.)

4:44 p.m. Murray St. Clair: halftimes. you 96. me 62. (Getting excited. Hadn't expected to win. Murray had won ten straight coming into this championship.)

4:46 p.m. Murray St. Clair: When these games are over. that's it. (So I will know very soon, before the Bears game that I should be at.)

5:03 p.m. Dave: Want an update on your game? Looks good for you. (Sure. So what if it's New Years Eve. Those tables can wait, it is the championship game.)

5:05 p.m. Dave: 95-60 you. (Excellent. Now I know Murray isn't fucking with me.)

5:18 p.m. Dave: 96-66 phil. Murray St. Clair has four players in 3rd left playing. Phil has 4 players still active in the 3rd. (This must be pretty exciting to watch. You know what's not exciting to watch? Two men eating two twelve ounce NY strips with a side of BBQ ribs.)

5:34 p.m. Murray St. Clair: congrats. this game is over. (A concession speech. Hmmmmm... Can I celebrate yet? "Hey, Aaron, I think it's shot-o'clock. I won the game!" All right, who's ready for the happiest waiter working on new years?)

6:36 p.m. Dave: If Gore scores, you lose. If Gore doesn't score, you win. (What the hell are you texting about? I did a victory shot an hour ago. I could still lose?)

6:42 p.m. Murray St. Clair: you're up 6 pts. everything hinges on this overtime. CRAZY!!! (Overtime! What overtime?!? What are you talking about? What the fuck is going on? I have no time to check the t.v. and no chance of adding the points up in my head. I'm running around delivering champagne splits and shit. This is the last NYE I work.)

7:10 p.m. Dave: Gore ran enough in OT to tie you and Murray. (Tie? We tied? So... What happens now? Well, at least the Bears game is starting...)

7:30 p.m. Murray St. Clair: it ended in a tie. with the tiebreaker i beat you 3.5 to 3.3 good game. maybe the greatest game ever. (That's the lamest fucking shit I've ever heard. How about we duel to see who wins? "No! I have no room for a four top without a reservation! One minute please.")

7:47 p.m. Murray St. Clair: miscalculation. espn not only didn't give you the 6 for the sd d td, they didn't give you blocked punt. no tie. you win outright. GOOD GAME CHAMP! (Fuck you. I'm not getting on this ride again. I'll wait till tomorrow. "Yes, we do have dry blue cheese, I'll be right back." I should be at the Bears game. Hey. What's going on in that game...)

The next day ESPN scoring would verify that I won my fantasy football league. I kinda feel like I just got a graduate degree in Football. To the rest of my league, all football disputes can be settled by a simple phone call to me. My knowledge being superior. My acumen greater. Oh and, suck it.

(The Bears game never happened.)

Sports On T.V. Today.

National Games.

• College football: FedEx Orange Bowl, Louisville vs. Wake Forest, at Miami (Fox, 8:15 p.m.).

• Men's College hoops:
• Temple at Duke (ESPN2, 7 p.m.)
• Indiana at Ohio State (ESPN, 8 p.m.).

• NHL: Chicago at St. Louis (VERSUS, 8 p.m.). Two night in a row I can see Blackhawk hockey on t.v.? That's crazy.

Local Games.

• NBA: Phoenix vs. Chicago (CSNCHI, 7:30 p.m.)

A question for anyone who uses this listing, should I also list English League soccer?

Sports On T.V. Today.

National games.

• College football:
• Outback Bowl, Tennessee vs. Penn State, at Tampa, (ESPN, 11 a.m.)
• Cotton Bowl, Auburn vs. Nebraska, at Dallas, (Fox, 11:30 a.m.)
• Capital One Bowl, Arkansas vs. Wisconsin, at Orlando, (ABC, 1 p.m.)
• Gator Bowl, Georgia Tech vs. West Virginia, at Jacksonville, (CBS, 1 p.m.)
• Rose Bowl, Southern California vs. Michigan, at Pasadena, Calif., (ABC, 4:45 p.m.)
• Fiesta Bowl, Boise State vs. Oklahoma, at Glendale, Ariz., (Fox, 8:30 p.m.)

• Men's college Hoops:
• New Mexico vs. Texas Tech, (ESPN2, noon)
• Oklahoma vs. Alabama, (ESPN, 2:30 p.m.)

• NHL:
• N.Y. Islander vs. Buffalo, (VERSUS, 2 p.m.)
• Boston vs. Toronto, (VERSUS, 7 p.m.)

Local Games:

• NHL:
• Blackhawks (Holy Shit, The Hawks are on t.v.?) vs Blue Jackets, (CSNCHI, 1:30 p.m.)

• Men's college Hoops:
• Wichita State vs. Southern Illinois, (CSNCHI, 7 p.m.)

Happy New Year!!

Liddell-Ortiz 2

Well folks it went down pretty much how I anticipated. Liddell out boxed Ortiz until he Knocked him down and man punched him for the win in the 3rd round. This goes back to my theory that a good boxer can beat pretty much any one. It's just a theory though.

On the cusp of a new year, I am sad. The Bears are playing the Packers tonight in Soldier Field in what might be Brett Favre's last game. I should be there, but I won't. My folks got me tickets for the game, which I received on Christmas morning, along with a new firetruck and tickle-me-Elmo doll. Unfortunately, I work in a restaurant. Not knowing I would have the opportunity to go to the game, I was scheduled to work, all day, all night. After calling some of my coworkers, I quickly realized getting out of the shift wasn't in the cards. Seeing Brett Favre throw a record setting interception, while being eliminated from the playoffs, would not be my fate. Both tickets passed to my brother, Timmy. I wished him Godspeed to tailgating and kickoff at noon.

But wait, much like the evil Sauron himself, NBC, capitalizing on the "Brett Favre might retire frenzy," (now in it's third year and running) invoked their powers to claim the game as the Sunday evening game. Here it changes from a sad day for Phil, to a screw job of my brother and the entire city.

Timmy is a New Years baby. He and his girlfriend have twenty-five people coming over for his birthday, as well as, a New Years celebration. The guests are set to arrive around eight p.m. Scratch Timmy from the list of fans passing through the turnstiles tonight.

This is a common enough story throughout the city and suburbs of Chicago. Parties are in conflict. Parking in the city is fucked. Restaurants are scrambling to provide t.v.'s in dining rooms to hold reservations. Mayor Daley, I'm sure, is already planning his revenge. Make NBC pay, make them pay.

Happy New Year's everyone. Go Bears!

Sports On T.V. Today.

National Games

• College football: MPC Computers Bowl, Miami vs. Nevada, at Boise, (ESPN, 7:30 p.m.)

• Men's college hoops:
• San Jose State at Duke, (FSN, 1 p.m.)
• Dayton at North Carolina, (FSN, 3 p.m.)
• Washington at UCLA, (FSN, 5 p.m.)

• NFL:
• Regional coverage, (Fox and CBS, 1 and 4:15 p.m.)
• Green Bay at Chicago, (NBC, 8:15 p.m.)

• Boxing(?)
• Pavlik-Pierre (MIDDLE-WEIGHTS), (VERSUS, 4 P.M.)
  

Local games.

• Men's college hoops:
• San Jose State at Duke, (CSNCHI, noon)
• Washington at UCLA, (3 ILL-03, p.m.)

Sports On T.V. today.

National Games.

• College football:
• Meineke Car Care Bowl, Navy vs. Boston College, at Charlotte, (ESPN, 1 p.m.)
• Alamo Bowl, Texas vs. Iowa, at San Antonio, (ESPN, 4:30 p.m.)
• Chick-fil-A Bowl, Georgia vs. Virginia Tech, at Atlanta, (ESPN, 8 p.m.)

• College men's Hoops:
  
• Georgetown vs Michigan, (ESPN2 , noon)
• Connecticut vs. West Virginia, (ESPN2 , 2 p.m.)
• Stanford vs. Arizona, (FSN, 2 p.m.)
• Missouri State vs. Creighton, (ESPN2 , 4 p.m.)
• Nevada vs. Gonzaga, at Seattle, (ESPN2 , 6 p.m.)

• College women's hoops:
  
• Arizona State vs. Stanford, (FSN, 8 p.m.)

• NBA:
• Cleveland vs. Chicago, (WGN, 8:30 p.m.) Is WGN still national?

Local Games.

• College Men's Hoops:
• Stanford vs. Arizona, (CSNCHI, 1 p.m.)
• Oregon vs. Oregon State, (CSNCHI, 3 p.m.)
• Washington State vs. Southern California, (CSNCHI, 5 p.m.)
• Northern Iowa vs. Wichita State, (CSNCHI, 7:30 p.m.)

• AHL Hockey:
• Rochester Americans vs. Chicago Wolves, (3 ILL-03, 7 p.m.)

Vague National/Regional Games.

• High School Basketball:
• T-Mobile Invitational, (VERSUS, 3 p.m.)
  

If You Have No Plans For New Years Eve, Chris and Tank are throwing a bash.

The Fox Robot: The Definitive Discussion

Do you know what I love about today's NFL coverage? Robots.

I read blogs, and seen on television, people complain about the Fox Football Robot, I just can't understand it...

I fucking love that Fox Robot, not so much the one that actually plays futuristic robot football (as seen in his 25-second demo reel here). I'm talking about the everyday Sunday robot, the one that fades you in/out of commercial breaks... he warms you up, starts up with doing a little calisthenics, but then, he takes a break and starts waving his finger, and talkin' shit.

I imagine he is talkin' shit to other robots he will be playing later on that day. Robots who told him "you will never make it to professional robot league football"...
Maybe he is talking shit to me, because god knows I deserve it. Or maybe he is just psyching himself up in the mirror pre-game.

It's nice how Fox keeps the robots current. Like on halloween, we saw halloween-pumpkinhead robot, and likewise, robotic trash-talkin' turkey for thanksgiving.
Even before the game on Sunday, I was thinking "God help me, lets see a santa robot", behold, a fucking santa robot. I was at my girlfriends parents house in Detroit (yikes), I pumped my fist on the table, and I was like "Yeah! Santa Robot! Lets Go!", her various uncles just stared at me.

So I don't see why you can't have that robot dressed in a diaper, with a "2007" sash and top hat. A New years shit-talkin' baby robot. Its the only thing that could top that robotic turkey waving its finger at me.

I have also noticed that the Fox Robot wears number 34. I was excited that Walter Payton's corpse had been re-constructed RoboCop-style as the Fox Football Robot. Unfortunately, I think I might have seen a Cowboys Star on his "helmet". And that confused me, because really, a Herschel Walker Robot is a waste of our time. Or maybe, that robot is just how Herschel Walker pays his bills.

Seriously, I need a picture of that robot, for next years Christmas card. I wonder if there is an graphics department guy at fox I could contact...

Todd Wright "All Night" is a terrible show. Jim Rome is better, although he has a replacement until next year. The callers ruined that show. I had to listen to music on the way home from work last night about eleven p.m. I love music. Love it. I even create it, but on the way home from work I just desire wasteoids talking about sports, with all the how ya doing's, am I on's, and all the "yeah uh" you can handle. Those were the thoughts of last night though. I have let that anger go, for now.

Allen Iverson looking real good in that Denver jersey huh? Interested to see him team up with currently suspended Carmelo Anthony.

Don't come after me Jason Taylor, but are you so squeaky clean that you can rip on Merriman? Admit it, you at least pick your nose don't you?

Scott Boras is a money maker. He is making baseball difficult for many. Have fun with Barry, Barry. Also, have a good time on that mediocre team.

Dennis Savard Brings some respect back to the Blackhawks. Still, I can't get into it unless they decide to play a few games a year on my television. Oh, by the way, I only get 2,5,7,9, and local Fox.

I was listening to Mike and Mike in the morning today. If you don't know who these guys are, you are probably missing something. A great duo in sports radio They are 30-30 picking NFL teams with the spread. I decided to pick these games myself. Why? It's a geek thing, that's why. Perhaps someone will take me up and make some money. Probably not.

On Saturday.
Giants giving 2.5 at Washington. I'd take the Giants here, wouldn't you. Washington really sucks. I hate both these teams. Go Bears!

On Sunday.
Bears giving three at home to the Packers. I don't see the Bears losing this one, no matter who is playing. Bears should win by ten I hope.

Baltimore at home is giving nine to Buffalo. This is a tough match-up. Nine is a ton of points to a Buffalo team that might be getting better. Hmmmm. I will take Buffalo here.

Cincinnati is giving 6 to the Steelers. Another tough match-up. I'm picking Cincy to win the game, but not cover the spread. Gamble on the Steelers, who have gotten to 7-8.

Dallas at home are 12.5 favorites against the Lions. I expect Dallas to come out and prove something to Big Tuna fish. Cowboys will pound the Lions.

Houston at home giving 4 to Cleveland. Cleveland sucks at 4-11. Houston pretty much sucks at 5-10. Phil Dawson all day? Maybe. I would still take Houston at home.

Indianapolis giving a nine spot versus the Dolphins. I think the Colts are struggling and that is a lot of points. Addai a bit banged up. With a ticked off Jason Taylor and Ronnie Brown, I would. Yes I would take the Dolphins. I hate the Dolphins. Go Bears!

Jax getting 2.5 at Kansas City. Chiefs here.

Minnesota at home gets 2.5 from the Rams. Rams.

Carolina giving three at New Orleans? Carolina will play against the scrubs early. Can they win then? You better hope so if you take this one.

Jets at home are giving 12.5 vs. the Raiders. Pick Jets to win but not to cover the spread. A lot of points to make up here.

Philly at home gives 8 to the Falcons. Take the hot team in the Eagles.

Tampa Bay at home giving 3.5 to the Seahawks? Sure, why not. See what Rattay did the the Bears? Take a chance here, though not too confident.

Tennessee giving three points at home to Tom Brady? Yeah right. Patriots.

Denver 10.5 home favorites over the Niners. I see Denver covering this.

And finally, San Diego at home gives 13.5 to the Cardinals. Take the Chargers? Two touchdowns for L.T.

Good Luck!

Sports On T.V. Today.

National Games.

• College football:
  
• Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl, Clemson vs. Kentucky, at Nashville, (ESPN, 1 p.m.)
• Brut Sun Bowl, Oregon State vs. Missouri, at El Paso, (CBS, 2 p.m.)
• AutoZone Liberty Bowl, South Carolina vs. Houston, at Memphis, (ESPN, 4:30 p.m.)
• Champs Sports Bowl, Purdue vs. Maryland, at Orlando, (ESPN, 8 p.m.)
• Insight Bowl, Texas Tech vs. Minnesota at Tempe, (NFLNET, 8 p.m.)
  

• College men's Hoops: Wake Forest vs. South Florida, (ESPN2 , 7 p.m.); Illinois vs. Xavier, (ESPN2 , 9 p.m.)

Local Games.

• NBA: Bulls at Raptors (CSNCHI, 6 p.m.)
  

• AHL Hockey: Chicago Wolves vs. Peoria Rivermen (3 ILL-03, 7:30 p.m.)
  

Sports On T.V. Today.

National Games.

• College football:
• Petro Sun Independence Bowl, at Shreveport, La., Oklahoma State vs. Alabama (ESPN, 4:30 p.m.)
• Pacific Life Holiday Bowl, at San Diego, Texas A&M vs. California (ESPN, 8 p.m.)

• Men's college hoops: Rutgers vs. North Carolina (ESPN2 7 p.m.); UNLV vs. Texas Tech (ESPN2, 9 p.m.)

• High school basketball:
• Girls T-Mobile Invitational, at Seattle:
• Third-place game, teams TBA (VERSUS, 4 p.m.)
• Championship game, teams TBA (VERSUS, 7 p.m.)
• Boys T-Mobile Invitational at Seattle:
• Third-place game, teams TBA (VERSUS, 5:30 p.m.)
• Championship game, teams TBA (VERSUS, 8:45 p.m.).

• NBA: Phoenix vs. Dallas (TNT, 8:15 p.m.); Seattle vs. Denver (TNT, 10:30 p.m.)

Local Games.

• College Football: Houston Bowl, Rutgers vs. Kansas State (NFLNET, 7p.m.)
• Men's College Hoops: MVC, Baby! Drake vs. Evansville (3 ILL-03, 7p.m.); Washington State vs. UCLA (CSNCHI, 9:30 p.m.)
  
• Women's College Hoops: Penn State vs. Illinois (CSNCHI, 7p.m.)

Randy Foye is different...

...and may have an unfair advantage.

Thanks to my friend (and Minnesota fan), Jason for this little bit. Turns out, Randy Foye, isn't like you and me. His heart is on the opposite side, along with the rest of his internal organs. Wierd. I'm not sure if this condition (Situs inversus) had anything to do with his game-winning, runner off the glass last night, with 1.8 on the clock, to beat me Bulls, but I'm not ruling it out either. So, when he puts his hand over his heart during the national anthem, he puts it on the other side? How can I be asked to not fear something so unAmerican. He's tried to keep it a secret for most of his life, not caring for the extra attention. To bad, Randy. It's out there and I'm freaked. I call for his immediate suspension. Get this guy on the table, cut him open and see if there are any valuable nutrients he can offer us.

Sports On T.V. Today.

National Games.

• College football: Emerald Bowl, Florida State vs. UCLA, at San Francisco (ESPN, 8 p.m.)

• Men's College Hoops: Bradley at Northern Iowa (ESPN2, 9 p.m.)

• High school basketball:
  
• Girls T-Mobile Invitational, first round, at Seattle:
• Winter Haven (Fla.) vs. Collins Hill (Suwanee, Ga.) (VERSUS, 4 p.m.)
• Issaquah (Wash.) vs. St. Elizabeth (Wilmington, Del.) (VERSUS, 7 p.m.).
• Boys T-Mobile Invitational, first round, at Seattle:
• Solon (Ohio) vs. LeFlore (Mobile, Ala.) (VERSUS, 5:30 p.m.)
• O'Dea (Seattle) vs. Fairfax (Los Angeles) (VERSUS, 8:30 p.m.).

Local Games.

• NBA: Heat vs. Bulls, (CSNCHI, 7 p.m.)

Some of the random sports related sh!t I thought about today...

Do the White Sox think that Don Cooper is THAT good of a pitching coach? You can't fault the man's work so far but... jeez. Chubby Hurlyburly, Garland, Old Man Jose, Javier "5 and 2/3" Vasquez, and a young 'un? OK.. that could work... bullpen seems fine.... lots of firepower... I hope that the guy they got for McCarthy gets the fifth spot. What's his name? Danks? That would be sweet, "Man, Javy got shelled last night, harsh. It's cool though, we got the Dank tomorrow."

When did Margaret Cho start golfing on the LPGA tour under the name Christine Kim? (Check out The Sports Illustrated "Faces in the Crowd" Issue 12/15/06)

I can't believe I lost my Fantasy finals.....

Where did Mike Williams leave his hands? Did he lose them in the year he spent "coaching" at USC? Thanks Maurice... I hope that you and the Israeli mob are happy....

Speaking of which, what Ohio State player from this year's championship (they WILL beat Florida) will get mixed up with the mob, and from which country will that mob come from? My vote is for Quinn Pitcock and the IRA.

I hope Phil writes about Romo snowing the Pro-Bowl voters. (!) Although, getting to allegedly bang/date/just be friends with Carrie Underwood would be sweet.....

Oh, and by the way, Bob Costas... Don't joke about having too much egg nog unless you are really drunk. Get my hopes up and then just dash them. Mr Fing Emmy winner. Just do the halftime show, blow the levity out your ass.

Damn though, who wouldn't love to see Costas doing the highlights jacked out of his head on coke?

I can't believe I lost in my Fantasy finals... never should have told the wife.... at least I got the entry fee back... F that man! the one week LT doesn't go for 30+... Fing Frank Gore... Fing Romo...Fing Ravens D.... FING LAWRENCE "LARRY" TYNES!

PS -- Who knew that Ethiopia had an air force?