A Letter to My Beloved G.M.:

Dear Ken,

Let me just start out by saying, thanks again for 2005. Really enjoyed it. Exponentially.

And while I’m still giving you the, “25 year consolation period until I start really getting pissed about not perennially making the playoffs” I’ve got a couple of questions I’d like to lob at you.
Trading Brandon McCarthy? Really? What did he do? We had him under his original contract for the next 5 seasons. He still had 2 options left for minor league assignment. He was actually putting on weight, taking the gangly off and adding some mass. Did he bugger Olney Guillen in the showers? Was he waving off Man Soo Lee in the bullpen? What was it? Because as far as I can see, we got 2 “could-be high ceiling guys” from the Rangers for a major league ready starting pitcher. Coupled with the trade of Freddie Garcia (which I totally understand) couldn’t we have at least raised the leagues perception of Brandon and thus raising his trade value by having him as our #5 this season? Now we’re stuck with a crap shoot of possibilities to fill in a HUGE void at the 5th spot.

Not to mention that Jose “Satchel Paige” Contreras is a stiff wind away from blowing out candles on his 50th birthday cake and Javier “3rd time around the batting order and it’s tee-ball” Vasquez are hanging on by teeny tiny threads, I’d like to ask, WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

I understand that you’re trying to get ahead of the curve of exorbitantly ridiculous free agent pitching contracts. And maybe, just maybe, you’re going to roll out the Brinks Truck for Mark “I’ve got an Ozzie Smith jersey on under my Sox gear” Buehrle. I comprehend that you’re looking at the next 3 to 5 years and not just this season. BUT COME ON, KENNY!!!!

I’m not totally upset about losing Brandon McCarthy. I’m just upset about what it represents. Did you completely forget about the 2004 season? We had incredible bats; Magglio Ordonez, Carlos Lee, Paulie K, Joe Crede. And our #5 starters were a combined 3-30something. Scott Schoneweiss, Esteban Loaiza, Felix Diaz, Arnie Munoz, Neal Cotts. It was a revolving door of mediocrity. Not even The Magic Man Don F’n Cooper could get these guys pitching. And what happened? We were .500. No playoffs. Golfing in October.

You see, Kenny, it’s your fault. You brought me a World Series Trophy, and now I’m greedy. We won 90 games last year, and didn’t make the playoffs. 90 games. We finished behind the Twins and the Tigers, in our own division. Now we’re giving the Tribe another year to regroup, and you don’t think that they won’t be breathing down our necks as well? Let me answer that for you, they will be.

(On a positive note, Darin Erstad was a fantastic pick-up for utility outfielder and all around hustler. I dig that move. I get it. Grinders. Yeah, yeah, yeah.)

The pitching, Kenny. The pitching. Why have you forsaken me?

I know you have a plan. I understand your plan. I want to like your plan. But if winning ballgames equates to attendance*, and attendance dictates payroll, then my question simply is, WTF?

OK, I got that all off my chest. Again I’d like to say, thanks for 2005. I watch the Championship DVD’s religiously at least once a month. And I still tear up as Geoff Blum is hitting his extra inning HR in Houston.

Spoil me again, Ken. I won’t mind. And neither will your massing legion of Sox fans.
Just do me a favor…don’t ship Jon Garland off for a bag of magic beans. Please.

Thanks for listening,

Ivan Calderon

* denotes the phenomenon of a perennial sub .500 team on the north side of Chicago that packs em in daily for sub par games