Championship Fantasy Football Via Text Messages.

Sunday was our fantasy football league championship game and I had made it into the game. It was a long season. We drafted in August. It's a twelve person league, the winner gets $150. Small money, but the honor is great. I wasn't favored and I had to work. This may not be the best play-by-play, but it's better than Gumbel

3:20 p.m. Murray St. Clair: you 81. me 46. you're lookin good. (Sweet.)

3:21 p.m. Murray St. Clair: 43 f larry johnson. (My first pick, and the first pick in our draft. I actually tried to trade him for Alexander after a computer error gave my Johnson. The other owner turned down the trade. Sometimes it's the moves you don't make.)

3:59 p.m. Murray St. Clair: 90-50. (Nice. Good lead. But since I'm at work, I have no idea how good.)

4:44 p.m. Murray St. Clair: halftimes. you 96. me 62. (Getting excited. Hadn't expected to win. Murray had won ten straight coming into this championship.)

4:46 p.m. Murray St. Clair: When these games are over. that's it. (So I will know very soon, before the Bears game that I should be at.)

5:03 p.m. Dave: Want an update on your game? Looks good for you. (Sure. So what if it's New Years Eve. Those tables can wait, it is the championship game.)

5:05 p.m. Dave: 95-60 you. (Excellent. Now I know Murray isn't fucking with me.)

5:18 p.m. Dave: 96-66 phil. Murray St. Clair has four players in 3rd left playing. Phil has 4 players still active in the 3rd. (This must be pretty exciting to watch. You know what's not exciting to watch? Two men eating two twelve ounce NY strips with a side of BBQ ribs.)

5:34 p.m. Murray St. Clair: congrats. this game is over. (A concession speech. Hmmmmm... Can I celebrate yet? "Hey, Aaron, I think it's shot-o'clock. I won the game!" All right, who's ready for the happiest waiter working on new years?)

6:36 p.m. Dave: If Gore scores, you lose. If Gore doesn't score, you win. (What the hell are you texting about? I did a victory shot an hour ago. I could still lose?)

6:42 p.m. Murray St. Clair: you're up 6 pts. everything hinges on this overtime. CRAZY!!! (Overtime! What overtime?!? What are you talking about? What the fuck is going on? I have no time to check the t.v. and no chance of adding the points up in my head. I'm running around delivering champagne splits and shit. This is the last NYE I work.)

7:10 p.m. Dave: Gore ran enough in OT to tie you and Murray. (Tie? We tied? So... What happens now? Well, at least the Bears game is starting...)

7:30 p.m. Murray St. Clair: it ended in a tie. with the tiebreaker i beat you 3.5 to 3.3 good game. maybe the greatest game ever. (That's the lamest fucking shit I've ever heard. How about we duel to see who wins? "No! I have no room for a four top without a reservation! One minute please.")

7:47 p.m. Murray St. Clair: miscalculation. espn not only didn't give you the 6 for the sd d td, they didn't give you blocked punt. no tie. you win outright. GOOD GAME CHAMP! (Fuck you. I'm not getting on this ride again. I'll wait till tomorrow. "Yes, we do have dry blue cheese, I'll be right back." I should be at the Bears game. Hey. What's going on in that game...)

The next day ESPN scoring would verify that I won my fantasy football league. I kinda feel like I just got a graduate degree in Football. To the rest of my league, all football disputes can be settled by a simple phone call to me. My knowledge being superior. My acumen greater. Oh and, suck it.

(The Bears game never happened.)